This article today is the definition of Man. Hold on, you might have a list of things in mind that you think makes you a man, but your wrong! The only MAN on this list is Wolverine and it ain’t all because of those nice little splinters stuck on of his fist either. Today here at the Loyal K*N*G, we are listing out the Top 7 Reasons why Wolverine is the biggest, baddest, mother loving beast around. This ain’t no joke, bub.
7. Wolverine don’t take no Shit from no one.
Look, in the Marvel-verse Wolverine IS Chuck Norris. This has been made a fact and is not disputable! Don’t even try to list any of those sissies like the whiny Peter Parker, dead Captain America, or even the gargantuan, imbecile Hulk! Wolverine does what he wants, whenever he wants, and who he wants. This is a MAN, man. Do you think that he gave a flip, even after Xavier warned him of the consequences? Hell friggin’ NO. This dude waltzes up to the biggest, baddest mofo around and cuts the booger-head up. He needs no reasons. He just does what he wants, because he’s a MAN.
6. Wolverine eats Like 21 Tasmanian Devils on steroids.
One thing that defines a man is how much, how quick, and how raw his food is. And let me tell you something… Fresh vegetable isn’t the kind of raw I’m talking about. Wolverine is a constant fighting machine. He never takes a break. So with this kind of work load your bound to have an epic appetite. This dude’s intake consists of fresh MAN meat… That’s right, Wolvie eats the best of the best in raw meat. The greatest in existance… Pure MAN. It only makes sense. After all, as the saying goes, “You are what you gobble down and dump out. ”
5. Wolverine isn’t afraid of getting hurt and using it to his advantage.
Only pansies feel pain… Yeah, even the almighty Wolverine feels pain too, but HOLD ON. This does not make our Hero a pansy in any definition of the word! Let me explain, pansies fear and avoid pain. It’s in their inner nature, their inner souls. Wolverine faces the suffering head on. There ain’t no stopping this monster from feeling the hurt. He’ll even slice and dice his own body parts to create fear deep in the opponents’ hearts. Yea, you won’t be seeing wussy Batman doing that anytime soon. Hell, I would never mess with a guy waving his leg around… That’s just too much of a MAN for me.
4. Wolverine likes the Ladies.
Look every man likes the ladies, but Wolverine REALLY likes the ladies. This dude does not discriminate. The chick could be a Skrull, have green skin, be bigger then a walking block, or a tenth of his age… this dude does it all. Be warned, Wolverine sticks it to his comrade’s ladies too. If you have a lady around be sure to know she is not going home safe tonight. Wolvie does this because he is a MAN. The lady could be the friggin’ girl on The Exorcist and you bet your cheap laptop that he would still stick it.
3. Wolverine can dance.
Wolverine lived through World War 2, and even to this day this dude still looks like he hasn’t aged since his 40th birthday. You must be damn silly to think Wolvie can’t bust a move on the dance floor. This dude knows the Russian Waltz, German Pop, Japanese Swoosh, and of course the last year’s craze, Superman dat Hoe! Yep, Wolverine is one hell of a MAN.
2. Wolverine likes to growl.
You know what I’m talking about. We have all, at least once in our life, growled like we had some deep monster caged (or at least some of us would wish to believe) inside of us. We know if that monster was unleashed, hell would break loose and we would all be thrown into the abyss. But unfortunately, the only person that is truly capable of this without ending the world is Mr. Wolverine. We are just mere men compared to the MAN that is Wolverine. His everyday life is permeated with growling. He growls when he eats, sleeps, hits stuff, and even when he talks his MAN talk. Growling is Wolverine’s musical masterpiece.
1. Wolverine is Canadian.
That’s right folks… The big shocker. The MANliest Hero is actually a Canadian-bred MAN. Don’t let all those ridiculous generalizations flood you. By now you guys should understand that Wolverine has changed the Canadian game. Heck, he changed the game up so much he went and ditched the place altogether. A real man spreads his MAN-mark and never maintains a static locale. Wolverine is always off to slash and gash another absurd villain, whether it be some flaming skeleton head with chains, some silver looking dude on a surf board, or godly figures who are descendant of Greek gods. On and on this ridiculous list goes. In conclusion, Wolverine is a MAN, and don’t you ever forget it.
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