So my friend just purchased a Apple’s Macbook Air, and now he is starting to whine to me about how much it sucks donkey foot. Honestly, my first impression of the Macbook Air was pretty optimistic. The portability of this thin slice of love is a very attractive trait. Not only that, but the little sucker also seems pretty stylish. For one thing, it would probably attract a lot of attention. Hopefully from cool indie chicks. Unfortunately, that was just a blind assumption. Now that we have this slice of terd hands-on, a completely different perspective has arisen. Here’s the top 5 reasons why we should all masturbate instead of buying this piece of MacJunk Crap.
5. This piece of junk is way to expensive, then again it is Apple. Curse you Steve Dick.
The Macbook Air is one pricey little piece of ego-boost. The high end model of this thing can cost as high as $2700 taxed. My friend, which we will refer to as “Billy the Dumbface”, literally boasted every friggin’ day, telling me that he would work his little booty off until he could afford this thing. Of course, I was very supportive of his choice. Who wouldn’t? It’s an Apple after all. The greatest slice of heaven since the invention of toasters, and I sure do like my toasters. So after about ten weeks worth of working his ass off at Taco Bell, he finally mustered up enough dough to buy one of these suckers. To bad what we discovered instead, was that Mr. Billy the Dumbface was the sucker.
4. This pooper doesn’t work! It needs more crap! I hope Steve Dick rots in a house full of hungry rats.
Sadly, our friend, Billy Dumbface faced another problematic issue. The damn thing couldn’t do anything. We wanted to test drive it by watching “Forgetting Sarah Marshall“, but unfortunately the piece of tooshey-doo-doo didn’t have a fudgin DVD drive. WTF?! Did Steve Dick actually put a friggin’ machine for nearly 3 grand out and not place a DVD friggin’ drive with it? WE WANT TO WATCH “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” DAMMIT! So Billy and I went to ask Jeeves to figure out how to get this retarded junk to play some DVDs. However, we were flabbergasted by the fact that Steve Dick was trying to sell the Super-Drive (MacNugget Air version of a DVD/CD Drive) for 100 bucks. Yea okay. I can only say one thing about this. Billy Dummyface spent an extra week wrapping burritos to get this piece of junk. At least we got to enjoy seeing Mila Kunis on this nearly 3 grand piece of dump.
3. Macbook Piss doesn’t work with the video recording camera we use. Grr.
ARGH! Billy Dumbbutt and I enjoy recording ourselves as we go around to random stores acting like mentally ill children. One of the reasons Billy Dumbnut got this MacTerd, beside using it as a chick magnet (he’s still dating handgina), was to edit our videos and post them up on youtube. After all, this was what all the cool kids were doing. Unfotunately for Billy Retardbean, the MacCrap Air doesn’t have a workable port for us to attach our camera (which uses Firewire) on the damn thing. We returned back to ask Jeeves and he told Billy dumbface that he’s a dumbboob. I agree. Subsequently, Billy Dumbface has ownership over a pile of steaming terd that can’t edit our videos. Damn, I was hoping we would gain some notority over them internetz.
2. Macbook Air doesn’t attract girls. Billy Ridestheshortbus found this out the hard way.
Billy Notsobright has always believed that all girls like guys with expensive stuff. Well, shockingly, for once, Billy Notsodumb is correct, but he’s still wrong, dead wrong. Girls like guys with Ferraris. Not a MacShatner Terd. Every once in a while, Billy retard will tell me that he will head out to the nearest Starbucks to show off his MacBalls Scrotum where all the indie chicks congregate. Every time Billy Girlless drops back to my place with pockets full of condoms (unused). Poor dude, he worked his booty off stuffing tacos to get this thing and it can’t even do the most basic things. You know, like make talkie-talk with pretty feminines. If Billy only knew that picking up girls requires a job where your not stuffing Gordita Crunches.
1. Fear… MacSh*t is one piece of expensive fear inducing machinacrap.
Yea, I pity Billy Smallbrain. I should of been a better friend then agreeing with him to buy this dookie-contractor. Oh well, I’m just glad I didn’t spend my hard earned money on this piece of terd. Being paranoid about breaking the fragile piece of dryterd has been one of the biggest issues Billy Poordummy has had with this overpriced MacNuts Testies. Billy consistently tells me not to touch his little precious MacDry Nuts (like I would break this flimsy piece of fecal matter) and it’s quite agitating. Remember Golum from Lord of the Rings? Yea. That’s how Billy Stupidface is like 24/7. When he takes a dump he always carries the MacCrappy Crap on a pillow and sets it beside the toilet as he releases a bomber. It can be quite dumb having this dude around. My pillows smells like his fecies. Not a pleasant thing to have to live with on a daily basis. Fortunately for me, all this mess comes to an end. You might be wondering as to how. Well let me tell you. I took a mallet and entered my bathroom while Billy Fartface was taking a massive dump and said, “I AM MARIO, THE CL*T COMMANDER!” then proceeded to pound the MacDead into tiny pieces of smaller MacDeadies. This was the end of that. I haven’t seen Billy in a while though. Good riddance, hanging around Billy Suckone would turn me into a retard.
Ok, I made that last part up. I didn’t really go all commando on him. Although I hope Steve Pen*s gets it good where it counts.
True general consensus? You’re better off buying a toaster. At least that can toast your bread. Let see the fancy MacBook Air do that.
Editor’s Note: All pictures were edited by the Author. This article is in no way serial, all of this article was purposely written 100% for the lulz. Macfanboys can stop wetting their pants now.
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