Ever wanted to increase your size, but don’t have any time for boring chomp sessions, or useless size enhancement deliveries, that might not even work? Well, man, do I have something good for you. The top 10 ways to increase your size! Hand picked by me (Pervy), purely by results and nothing but results. Even you can be proud of your size!
1. Couch Potato
The classic couch potato. Ah, how you never seize to amaze me. Have one of these guys sit on your lap, and you’ll be so amused by it’s crude humor that even the smallest person around, will become a milk junkie.
2. Twinkies
Scientist (*cough* Kevjumba), have finally cracked into the secrets of Twinkies, and what they found was astonishing. Twinkies have the extraordinary power to not only increase your size, but make you look better then ever! The cream inside emphasizes the purity of the gift that keeps on… Giving (not advertisement). While the fluff on the outside protects all of what is left of its purity. Talk about delicious.
3. World of Warcraft
It sure didn’t take long for this phenomenon to come into law. Luckily, our friends down in South Park have done testing their self, so all you guys know whats on the go. Test results prove that WoW might possibly increase your size the most of all known substances.
(Possible side effects: Loss of sight, disability to eat, lack of sleep, gonorrhea, dwarf’s foot, dragon breath (the bad kind), addiction to inanimate objects, gnome fetish, cold sores, amnesia, impaired muscle function, neuropathy, constipation, erectile dysfunction, homicidal impulses, rapid loss of mental clarity, kidney failure, indigestion, nervousness, aggravated respiratory allergies such as asthma, diarrhea, sometimes with blood in stools, severe drowsiness and sleepiness, personality changes, severe hyperactivity and restless legs, ect.)
4. Paddle ball
This maybe a surprise to some of you, but paddle ball is one of the leading causes to finally increasing your size. Simple and effective, this thing definitely stand out as the most efficient for any household. The repetitive remedial task of paddling a ball over and over, increases the pheromones in the body to secrete a substance that enlightens the body into a stasis of numbness. In short, this numbness gives the body time to increase your size, without the stress of feeling like your doing something.
5. Will Ferrell
Will Ferrell, you crazy dog, you. What can’t you do? I have found that after watching his movies such as, Elf, and Talladega Nights, you can’t help but increase in size. Though for best results, watch Elf first then Talladega Nights, and then watch any other movies he has after. Watching Will Ferrell in his tights, will cause you to empathize posture and balance, while watching Talladega Nights will make you put those elements found in Elf to a speed fast enough to improve your life style and size. Everything else will just add on to your results. (To much Will Ferrell may result in a equal, but negative effect.)
6. Scrubs
Watching this show, you’ll slowly grow in size, no matter what you do. Just watching Zack Braff trying to not be a ass in his own series, will perk yourself in all kinds of interests (May also be negative in effect, consult your doctor for more details).
7. Doritos
Chips have always been a family remedy to increase your size. Ever since the time man first whack things with sticks, we have been able to cut these little critters thinner and thinner increasing our man pride to a extent that even we as people want more of them. Now we just live what we created. The cracker monster.
8. Lazy Town
Well you can just stare at the name and you’ll know this will, without a doubt, increase your size. Watching some little pink haired girl dance around for a full half-hour, will drain anyone of all willingness of doing anything. Letting you increase your size, since she did all the work for you. Isn’t that convenient?
9. Spam
Ah, man’s most confusing friend. Not only is it the best survival food, its also the most annoying thing on the planet (second to only Rick Astley). It’s there when you need it, and comes when you don’t want it. The unpredictability of this substance will keep you on your feet until you finally give way to your couch. At that point you’ll have no choice but to eat it, leading you into a trance of size increasing motions to keep your willingness at bay. Whether you want it or not, your gonna’ get it.
10. Hot dogs
Now this is the essence of what we stand for (or in this case, sit for). The length of the meat will keep you in a warped dimension of drooling. The sight of such a long dog’eh will make you so hungry you’ll eat everything in sight, and how fun it will be. Your size will plummet through the roof, as it cycles down your throat. The kidneys and liver will scream in passion leaving you no other choice but to eat more, as you secrete your passionate moans for more ketchup and mustard. This is the real man’s meal. Man enough to make you be the size of a hot dog. Now that’s a good dog’eh.
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